Starting Over Read online

  Outside the sun was shining brightly but all Olivia could see was the bleak future that stretched ahead of her.

  JON FROWNED as he let himself into the unlit empty house. Where was Jenny? He knew she had planned to visit Olivia but he had expected her to be back at home. No familiar Sunday dinner smells were wafting appetisingly from the large family kitchen, empty now like the rest of the house of the busy noisiness of their growing children and their friends. Ruefully he remembered how often once they were teenagers, he had looked forward to quieter times. Times when he and Jenny would be able to have moments to themselves.

  Now that they had... He frowned. If the early years of their marriage had been difficult, these latter few years had more than compensated for that with the happiness and love they had brought him. The discovery that Jenny, who he had married believing she could never love him, had in fact done so right from the start, had brought a sensual late blooming to their relationship which he had quite frankly relished.

  Now, though, Jenny seemed not to want him sexually any more. He appreciated that life had become increasingly busy for her. She might have sold her half share in her antique shop to her partner Guy Cooke, but she now played an increasingly demanding role in the Mums and Babes charity his aunt Ruth had established as well as being very involved with their local community and the lives of their children and grandchildren.

  Still frowning he dialled the number of her mobile phone. It was out of character for her to go out without leaving any indication of where she was or when she would be back.

  'Jenny?'

  Answering her mobile, Jenny quickly scanned Queensmead's kitchen table, making sure that her grandchildren were eating the meal she had prepared for them.

  'Where are you?' she heard Jon demanding.

  'I'm at Queensmead,' she told him.

  'Oh... When will you be back?'

  Quickly she explained to him what had happened, adding, 'I shall have to stay here until Maddy is well enough to come home, and even then...'

  She could tell from the sound of his voice how shocked he was by the news she had given him.

  'I'll come over,' he was telling her, adding, 'Why on earth didn't you ring me straight away?'

  'I tried to,' Jenny informed him crisply, 'but you didn't pick up. I dare say the business David had arranged for you to discuss with Lord Astlegh was too important to be interrupted.'

  As he heard the sharp note in her voice Jon sighed.

  He hated there being any kind of disharmony between them and it hurt him that Jenny, whom he loved so very much, could not be as pleased by David's return as he was himself.

  'Yes, I'm sorry, I did switch it off,' he acknowledged. 'Freddy loathes them according to David.'

  Jenny tensed. Here it was, even now, with Maddy so poorly, Jon was still thinking about putting David first...

  'I've got to go,' she fibbed, quickly ending the call before Jon could object.

  'MUMMY, this isn't the way to school,' Amelia protested.

  'No darling, I know it isn't,' Olivia agreed as she checked the traffic. 'I want to call and see Auntie Jenny before I take you to school.' She wanted to see Jenny to ask if she would pick up the girls from school for her and to see if it was possible for her to have them until she, Olivia, got home from work. Ultimately she was going to have to make proper child-care arrangements but that would take time and until then she would desperately need Jenny's help.

  Frantically she tried to run through everything she had to do. The school would have to be told that Jenny would be picking the girls up, of course. It ran an after-school creche which she could book them into if necessary and until she had sorted out a reliable nanny perhaps Jon would agree to her doing her paper work from home.

  It would mean rearranging her appointments. Some of her clients weren't always free to see her until after they themselves had finished work which was one of the reasons she was home so late so many evenings.

  Jon would have to be told about her and Caspar's separation, if he didn't already know about it, which Olivia suspected he must. She could well imagine how it would be received by certain members of the family.

  No doubt Ben would once again compare her with Max—to her detriment! Max, of course, had the perfect marriage, just as he had the perfect everything else.

  'Mummy,' Amelia cried out in alarm and just in time Olivia saw the cyclist she had previously been oblivious to, swerving out to avoid him.

  'Wait in the car for me,' she instructed the girls when she pulled up on the forecourt to Jon and Jenny's home.

  Running as quickly as she could over the gravel, which wasn't an easy feat in her office court shoes and straight-skirted business suit, she pushed open the kitchen door calling out, 'Jenny, it's me, Olivia.'

  'Livvy!'

  Olivia frowned as she saw not Jenny come hurrying into the kitchen but Jon.

  'I—I'm just on my way to work,' Olivia told him defensively, 'I wanted to see Jenny to ask if she could pick the girls up for me this afternoon.'

  'Oh dear, I'm afraid she's at Queensmead,' Jon told her.

  Queensmead. Olivia's heart sank. It would take her a good ten minutes to drive to the other house. But she had to see Jenny. Without giving Jon time to say any more she hurried back to her car.

  Jon grimaced as Olivia left. He'd had no chance to explain to her what had happened. He was already late for a very early client meeting. He had missed Jenny's familiar presence in their bed last night and hadn't slept well.

  ANGRILY Olivia stabbed her foot on the car's accel-erator. She was going to be late for the office, a fact which Jon would have already noted. That was a great start to her new life as a single parent she reflected bitterly.

  Her awareness of her own exposure, her vulnerability, increased her defensive anger. By the time she had negotiated the fast-building traffic and was turning into Queensmead's drive she had worked herself up into a state of furious anxiety.

  Stopping her car she got out and hurried towards Queensmead's back door and opened it.

  In Maddy's kitchen Jenny was trying to answer her grandchildren's increasingly anxious questions about their mother's absence.

  'Livvy,' she exclaimed guiltily as Olivia walked in, her heart sinking as she realised that in her panic over Maddy she had not found time to get in touch with her niece.

  To Livvy's eyes the orderly scene in Maddy's kitchen where Maddy's children were being given their breakfast by their doting grandmother was one that made her sharply aware of the difference in these children's circumstances and her own.

  'I'm sorry I haven't been in touch,' Jenny began to apologise, 'But as you can see—' She stopped as they both heard Maddy's youngest child crying for her grandmother from upstairs.

  Olivia could practically feel Jenny's desire for her to leave. Distraught, with no one to turn to and overwhelmed by a fierce surge of protective maternal love for her own children, Olivia lost her temper and interrupted Jenny angrily.

  'Yes I can see that you're very busy Aunt Jenny...far too busy obviously to have time for me!'

  The strength of her feelings was making her shake.

  'I'm sorry to have bothered you. Of course, I should have realised that you've got far more important things to do than help me....' Without giving Jenny the chance to say anything to her Olivia stormed out of the kitchen, slamming the kitchen door behind her as she left.

  Helplessly Jenny watched her, torn between going after her and responding to the increasingly voluble cries from upstairs. But Olivia was already opening her car door and getting in.

  As she started her car Olivia was shaking with anger and distress. She had been relying on Jenny, not just for practical help but as someone she could unburden herself to...someone she could confide in, but Jenny didn't have time to listen to her.... Her feelings were threatening to overwhelm her but she had to get the girls to school and then she had to go to work. What had she expected Jenny to do, anyway—throw her arms around her and tel
l her that everything was going to be all right?

  A tear trickled down her face. Bitterly she brushed it away. Nothing had ever been all right in her life and nothing was ever going to be!

  At the school, whilst the girls went up to join their friends, she went in search of the head teacher to ask if she could enrol them both for the after-school creche.

  It was almost nine o'clock and normally she was at her desk far earlier. The now all too familiar sensation of her own anxiety tensed the whole of her body.

  'LIVVY, my dear...'

  Jon frowned as Livvy turned away from him as she said curtly, 'I'm sorry I'm so late. I had to drop the girls off at school.'

  'Good heavens, Livvy, I was expecting you wouldn't come in at all today.... We've heard about Caspar...I'm so sorry.'

  'Why?' she questioned sharply. 'The marriage wasn't working...it's a mutual decision.'

  Jon's frown deepened. She looked far too thin, her face pinched and pale but it was her attitude that was giving him the most cause for concern. He had expected her to be upset. He knew how hard she strived for perfection in every aspect of her life, how sensitive she was; but this edginess, this angry aggression almost was so unlike what he knew of her and it disturbed him.

  When Olivia walked into the office several minutes later the phone had already started to ring. Quickly she answered it. One of her clients was on the other end of the line wanting to make an urgent appointment. Tensely she reached for her diary.

  Shaking his head Jon made his way to his own office. Normally the first thing he would have done right now would have been to ring Jenny so that he could discuss what had happened and the best way to help Livvy, but of course Jenny was at Queensmead and he didn't want to add to her problems.

  The look of haunted bitterness in Olivia's eyes had shocked him, though. It was almost as though she thought he was her enemy. He was imagining it, he told himself firmly. Naturally she was not herself.

  How could she be? Her marriage had broken up compounding the distress she had already suffered with David's return.

  It was such a pity that she was so antagonistic towards her father. Jon could understand her point of view, of course, but things were different now. David was different and Jon knew how much he longed to make reparation to her. But he still could not shake off the feeling that Livvy had erected a barrier between them.

  His phone rang just as his secretary brought in his post and morning coffee.

  'David!' he exclaimed with genuine pleasure as he heard his twin's voice on the other end of the line.

  'We've just heard about Maddy,' David told him.

  Then he asked gravely, 'How is she?'

  'We don't know—as yet—but they're going to keep her in for the time being. Jenny's staying at Queensmead to look after the children and Ben.'

  'Well, that answers my next question. Honor wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help.'

  'Well perhaps a magic potion to keep Dad quiet might be a good idea,' Jon suggested wryly.

  There was a brief pause before David asked hesitantly, 'And Livvy...she's...she's all right?' David questioned him.

  Jon's heart sank. He knew he couldn't lie to him.

  'She's...she's going through a very difficult time and obviously it's bound to be affecting her,' was all he felt he could say.

  IT WAS LUNCH TIME before Jon saw Livvy again, their paths crossing in the reception area of the practice.

  'Oh, Livvy, I forgot to say this morning,' Jon told her, 'obviously you're going to need to spend more time at home at the moment. I'll have a word with the agency and see if Mark, our locum, can stay on for a few more weeks to give you a bit of breathing space.

  If you do have to see any clients you could schedule those appointments during school hours which will leave you free to arrive later in the morning and go home midafternoon...'

  Olivia stiffened. It didn't matter that what Jon was suggesting was exactly what she had known she would have to do. She sensed a cautious air about him. Did he doubt her ability to cope? Where had the old closeness between them gone?

  'That won't be necessary,' she told him sharply.

  'I've already made arrangements for the girls.'

  It wasn't entirely true of course, but with all the professional agencies that were in existence surely it wouldn't take her too long to find the right person to look after them when she couldn't be there.

  'The assizes are coming up,' Jon reminded her gently, 'and if any of your cases run over you could find yourself having to stay over in Chester....'

  'Chester is hardly the other end of the universe,'

  Livvy snapped. Worriedly Jon watched her walk away. He hated seeing her like this, so prickly and defensive. She had been such a loving little girl. Shy and reluctant to put herself forward. That was Ben's doing, of course, and her parents'. But once she had been coaxed out of her shell she had been a joy and Jenny, he knew, had a special place in her heart for her.

  'LIVVY...how are you...?'

  From the concern she could hear in Tullah's voice, Olivia knew immediately that Tullah had heard about her separation from Caspar. Normally she would have been happy to see the other woman, but right now all she could think of was how lucky Tullah was to be married to a man like Saul who loved and supported and valued her.

  'I'm fine,' Livvy responded dismissively and un-truthfully, starting to turn away and then stopping as Tullah asked tentatively, 'Have you spoken to Jenny today?'

  'Only briefly,' Livvy responded, once again making to leave the practice's reception area and head for her own office, but before she could do so Tullah was continuing anxiously, 'Did she say anything about Maddy...or how long they're going to keep her in hospital? Max must be going out of his mind....'

  'Maddy's in hospital?' Olivia couldn't keep the shock out of her voice, the work waiting for her on her desk forgotten.

  'Yes, she is. Didn't you know?' Tullah looked confused. 'Oh, well, when she went to hospital for her normal check-up they told her that she would have to stay in because she's suffering from pre-eclampsia,'

  she started to explain. 'Saul had to ring Max about something, that's how we know. / tried to ring Jenny earlier but I couldn't get through and I thought...'

  Olivia wasn't concentrating fully on what Tullah was saying. In her confusion, she was too busy dealing with the sickening sense of disbelief and guilt that was filling her. Jenny had been looking after her grandchildren because Maddy was in hospital seriously ill—

  and she had said... The burning sensation, a combination of guilt, shock and anxiety which had stormed her face before spreading to the backs of her eyes now ached emotionally in her throat, shocking her out of the black misery of her own despair.

  'I—I didn't know,' she acknowledged shakily.

  'What has the hospital said? How long...'

  'I don't know any of the details,' Tullah interrupted her as they shared eloquent looks, both of them united as women and as mothers in their shared feelings for Maddy herself as an individual, a friend and a relative whom they both loved.

  'I tried to catch Jon earlier before he left,' Tullah confided, 'But I missed him and I knew you would have seen Jenny....' Her voice tailed away.

  'It was just a quick call... this morning... on my way here,' Oh via responded uncomfortably.

  She looked so shocked and anguished that Tullah felt guilty for having raised the subject.

  During the afternoon when Olivia should have been concentrating on her work she was desperately wondering what she should do—what she could do to put things right. She knew what she wanted to do. She wanted to go straight round to Queensmead and throw herself on Jenny's mercy, to beg her for her forgive-ness, her understanding. But what if Jenny refused to listen to her? What if she was so disgusted, so appalled by Olivia's selfish behaviour that she refused to accept her apology and explanation and refused to have anything further to do with her? She would be perfectly within her rights to do so; Livvy
knew that she had been unpardonably selfish and rude.

  Olivia's face went grey-white with guilt as she recalled her own sharply accusing bitter words.

  And what about Maddy? How must she be feeling?

  Olivia looked at the telephone on her desk.

  Before she could change her mind she reached for it. Less than two minutes later she was through to the hospital.

  'We are unable to put you through to Mrs Made-leine Crighton,' the anonymous voice on the other end of the line announced, enquiring politely, 'Are you a close relative?'

  'No...not really,' Olivia responded. 'I'm her cousin by marriage... Is she...' As her anxiety started to overwhelm her, her voice began to tremble.

  'She's resting at the moment,' she was told calmly.

  'But if you want us to pass a message to her...'

  'Just tell her that I'm thinking of her, please,' Olivia responded having given her name.

  Would it help Maddy to know that she was being thought about or would it only add to her distress and fear?

  As she replaced the telephone receiver Olivia ached to be able to talk to Jenny. Taking a deep breath she quickly punched into the keypad Queensmead's number.

  'Jenny is staying at Queensmead to look after the children,' Tullah had said.

  When only the answering machine responded to her call Olivia put down the receiver in silence.

  Bad as her own problems were they were nothing compared to what she knew Maddy and those closest to her must be going through.

  NICK SIGHED as he drove into Haslewich. Much as he appreciated the company and the hospitality of Saul and Tullah he was itching to return to his own life...his own home.

  'No way, little brother.' Saul had shaken his head when Nick had suggested doing so. 'I know you, with Mum and Dad away at the moment once you get back to that remote den of yours you'll be back at work, taking heaven alone knows what kind of risks and if anything should happen there's no one there....'

  'Okay...okay,' Nick had given in.

  His Welsh farmhouse was remote, two miles down a narrow track with no neighbours nearby. Saul was right, within days if not hours of returning he would be back at work.