Starting Over Read online

  'Then if she does, why hasn't she rung me?' Olivia asked him despairingly before shaking her head. 'Oh God, Saul, there I go again, feeling sorry for myself... being selfish. She must be frantic with worry about Maddy. Has there been any news about her yet?'

  'Not so far as I know. She's still in hospital. Try not to worry,' Saul counselled her. 'Ring Jenny in the morning. She should have some news about Maddy by then and you can explain everything to her.' He glanced at his watch. 'I'd better go. Tullah will be wondering where the hell I am.'

  As Olivia looked at the kitchen clock she couldn't believe that they had been talking for over an hour.

  'Thanks,' she told him simply as she walked with him to the door.

  'For what?' he demanded.

  'For being you,' Olivia told him softly. 'And for understanding me.'

  She kissed him quickly on the mouth and then stepped back. She was only feeling the way she was because she was lonely and vulnerable she told herself fiercely as she watched him walk to his car...that was all!

  'MR CRIGHTON...'

  Max tensed as the nurse came into the small room where he had been waiting to see Maddy ever since he had returned to the hospital to be told that the consultant had given strict instructions that she was not permitted to see anyone.

  'Mr Lewis would like to have a word with you. If you'll come this way...'

  Fighting to control his feelings Max strode after her down the corridor and into the room he had become so familiar with and which he knew would for ever now be for him a place drenched in the darkness of his own fear and pain.

  'Please, sit down, Mr Crighton,' the consultant instructed him quietly.

  'Why haven't I been allowed to see my wife?' Max demanded sharply.

  'Your wife's situation, as you know, is very serious and it's vitally important that she isn't distressed or upset in any way.' The doctor started to frown. 'I have to be honest with you, Mr Crighton, she isn't responding as well as we would have liked.'

  'What do you mean?' Max cut across him grimly.

  His mouth felt dry, acid with the taste of his own fear.

  The consultant had stood up. He walked over to the narrow window of the room and fiddled with the blind, keeping his back to Max as he told him obliquely,

  'When we first discussed your wife's condition you raised the question of a termination of her pregnancy....'

  Max felt as though a lead weight had been tied to his heart dragging it down, sending it plummeting through his body.

  'You said that wasn't an option you felt we needed to consider,' he managed to say.

  'It wasn't then...' the other man agreed heavily before turning round to face Max.

  'There's no easy way to say any of this. Your wife is very seriously ill, she's also closer to the point at which I would not carry out a termination. Do you understand what I'm trying to say, Mr Crighton? Your wife is nearly twenty weeks pregnant.'

  'Of course I understand.' Max's voice was equally harsh. 'What will happen if you do nothing and the pre-eclampsia can't be controlled?'

  The consultant looked sympathetic and told Max again about the risk of convulsions with both mother and baby being deprived of oxygen. 'If that happens...'

  'Yes. I understand,' Max interrupted him harshly.

  'If, in the next few days we can get your wife's blood pressure down to an acceptable level and keep it down, then should it recur in the latter stages of her pregnancy we can always opt to deliver the baby by Caesarean section.'

  '...and if you can't get it down?' Max demanded.

  The consultant looked away from him.

  'If there is to be a termination of her pregnancy then it has to be carried out soon.'

  'So what you're saying is that if she's shown no sign of responding to the treatment within a week then...'

  The consultant sighed.

  'Three days, Mr Crighton...that's all we can allow her. The termination has to be carried out before the twentieth week,' he repeated as though he were trying to explain something to a child.

  Three days.

  Helplessly Max rubbed his eyes. They felt as though they were rimmed with acid, dry and sharply painful.

  'Have you told Maddy any of this?' he asked hoarsely.

  The consultant shook his head.

  'Not yet.'

  For the first time he looked Max in the eyes.

  'However, if in three days' time there has not been an improvement... Look, why don't you go home and try to get some rest?' the doctor was suggesting.

  'There's no point in staying here. I'm afraid we can't let you see your wife. She might sense...something...

  and it's critically important that we keep her calm.'

  Max bowed his head.

  THE BABY WAS already asleep and Jenny had just finished reading Leo and Emma a story when Max rang.

  'I'm coming home,' he told her.

  'Maddy? How is she?' Jenny began but Max cut her short.

  'Not now, Ma,' he responded tiredly. 'I'll tell you everything once I get back. I'm leaving now so I shouldn't be very long.'

  'I'll start supper,' Jenny suggested but on the other end of the line Max fought against the nauseous rejection filling his stomach at the thought of food. Eating, doing anything to sustain his own life seemed almost a form of blasphemy in the light of what he had just been told.

  JACK WAS JUST cooking himself something to eat when the telephone started to ring. The house had felt oddly cold and unfamiliar without the welcoming presence of his aunt. He assumed that she must be at one of her committee meetings and that his uncle Jon was still at work.

  With one eye on his stir-fry he reached for the receiver and spoke into it. On the other end of the line Jenny frowned as she recognised her nephew's voice.

  What on earth was Jack doing at home? He was supposed to be at university.

  'Jack?' she questioned in concern.

  'Aunt Jenny.' Guilt filled Jack's voice.

  'Are you all right?' Jenny asked him anxiously.

  'Er, yes...I'm fine,' Jack responded but he sounded so unconvincing that Jenny immediately felt sharply anxious. If he was fine then what was he doing at home?

  'Is your uncle Jon there?' she asked him.

  'No,' Jack replied. 'Do you want me to give him a message if he comes home before you?'

  'Mmm, yes...yes, please,' Jenny confirmed. 'Just tell him please that Maddy's still in hospital but that Max is on his way home and once he gets here I'll be coming back.'

  She didn't say anything to Jack about her plans to go and see Olivia, primarily because she couldn't now decide what was worrying her more, Olivia's uncharacteristic behaviour that morning or the disturbing discovery that Jack was not at university where he should be but at home.

  A sudden thought struck her.

  'Jack, this unauthorised "exeat" you've given yourself,' she asked, keeping her voice as light as possible,

  'wouldn't have anything to do with Annalise would it?'

  His sharp intake of breath gave him away even before Jenny heard his carefully casual but wholly unbelievable, 'No...no why should it? I just had some spare time in my schedules and I thought I might as well spend it at home. Look, I've got to go, my stir-fry is about to burst into flames.'

  As she replaced her own receiver Jenny closed her eyes. It had been obvious to her that Jack was lying to her and that Annalise was the reason he had come home.

  They were both far too young for the intensity of the relationship that had developed between them. Jon and Jenny had already agreed that, but they knew all too well themselves the trauma of teenage heartaches to want to see Jack suffering from them.

  Although he had tried manfully to keep it from her, Jenny had heard the note of despondency, of desperation almost, in Jack's voice and she ached with love and pity for them both. The last thing she wanted to see him do was to ruin the whole of his life by giving up his studies so that he could be with Annalise. Not that she didn't like Annalise. She did. But
she and Jack were so young. Too young. And Jack had to understand and accept that he simply could not come rushing home every time he and Annalise had a falling-out.

  What was happening to them all, Jenny wondered unhappily as she waited for Max to arrive. Suddenly it seemed as though their lives had plunged from happiness into danger and darkness.

  Since David's return... Since David's return...

  Jenny stiffened. She knew that what she was thinking was illogical and more than a tad influenced by her own very ambivalent feelings towards the man who was now her brother-in-law but who had once been her lover. She felt no desire whatsoever for David now. Jon was the man she loved but David's return had marked a sharp change in the previously gentle happiness of all their lives—and not for the better—

  and illogical or not, for that she could not help blaming him and wishing that he had stayed away.

  'YOU'RE LATER than I expected,' Tullah commented absently as Saul uncorked the bottle of red wine they were having with dinner.

  'Mmm...' he agreed non-committally. He would tell her about his visit to Olivia later when they were on their own and when he could do so without compro-mising the confidence Livvy had given him about the situation with Jenny. As a woman Tullah would probably have a more insightful view on how Livvy might deal with the situation than he did himself.

  'Am I going to be allowed a glass of wine tonight?'

  Jemima asked Tullah hopefully.

  She was the eldest of his three children from his first marriage and Saul was ruefully aware of how fast she was growing up. During the summer she and Tullah had made a 'secret' female shopping trip which had resulted in a certain bashful mixture of self-consciousness and smugness as she started to wear her first bra.

  'No. Not tonight,' Tullah answered her. 'It's a school night. Perhaps at the weekend...'

  Jemima pulled a face but accepted Tullah's veto.

  'Jem, can you tell the others that supper's ready please,' Tullah called out to her.

  As Jemima left the kitchen, Nick walked in raising his eyebrows in appreciation as he saw the bottle of wine Saul was holding.

  'Good choice,' he approved, adding carelessly, 'Is Livvy okay? I saw your car parked on her drive when I drove past earlier....'

  Immediately Saul could sense Tullah's tension although she hadn't moved.

  'You've been to see Olivia,' she asked him sharply.

  'You never said...'

  'No. I just called on impulse.'

  Saul could see Nick looking at them both and starting to frown.

  'Have I put my foot in it?' he asked.

  'No.'

  'Of course not...'

  Both of them spoke at the same time but Saul knew that the flush darkening Tullah's face wasn't wholly caused by the heat of the meal she was removing from the oven.

  Going over to help her he told her quietly, 'Look, I'm sorry I didn't say anything. I'll explain why later....'

  Tullah's smile was tight and unforgiving. Saul heaved a sigh.

  'How ARE THINGS at the hospital?' Jenny asked Max as she handed him the mug of coffee she had just made him.

  'Maddy still isn't responding to the treatment,' Max told her bleakly.

  All his life Max had possessed an aura of personal strength that had seemed indomitable but now, for the first time, Jenny was aware that a pall of defeat seemed to have settled around him.

  Like any mother she instinctively wanted to help and reassure him.

  'There must be some improvement,' she insisted,

  'otherwise they would not have allowed you to come home.'

  Max sighed.

  'The reason they sent me home is not because of any improvement in Maddy's condition, Ma, but because they wanted me out of the way in case I inadvertently made her worse.' He paused and then burst out, 'Do you think I'd be here if they hadn't sent me away? Oh God, Ma...if I were to lose her...'

  The sheer torment in his voice brought tears to Jenny's eyes. She could see how close he was to the edge of his own self-control and she could see, too, now just why the hospital had sent him home.

  'These things take time,' she soothed him.

  'Maddy doesn't have time....' Max grated. ' Neither of them do.'

  Just before he buried his face in his hands, Jenny saw the tell-tale sheen of his tears.

  'Try to have faith, Max,' she counselled him gently.

  'Look,' she continued softly, 'I had intended to go home.' She didn't tell him why, there was no point in telling him about Jack's unscheduled return home or her concerns for his young cousin, 'But if you'd prefer me to stay...'

  Immediately Max shook his head.

  'No, you go home. Dad must be cursing me for keeping you here this long.'

  Jenny hesitated, torn between staying and going.

  'Go home, Ma,' Max insisted seeing her indecision.

  'I'll be fine...'

  'Promise me you'll ring us if you need us,' Jenny begged him.

  'I promise,' Max confirmed.

  I'll be back in the morning, anyway,' Jenny told him. 'You'll want to go back to the hospital then and I can sort out the children for you.'

  Much as she hated to leave him she knew that this might be her only opportunity to speak to Jack and to find out exacdy what was going on.

  As she gave Max a fierce hug and headed for the back door she acknowledged unhappily that it was going to be almost impossible for her to go and see Olivia.

  'JENNY...you're home...'

  At any other time the relief and pleasure in Jon's voice would have brought a teasingly loving comment to her lips but on this occasion she simply pursed them in irritation.

  'Jack's home,' Jon told her.

  'Yes, I know,' Jenny responded. 'Has he told you why?'

  'He said something about having a gap in his lectures,' Jon offered.

  'I think it's because of Annalise,' Jenny corrected him grimly. 'I think they must have had a quarrel.'

  Jon looked perturbed.

  'Surely he wouldn't come home during term time because of that?' he asked her.

  'They're in love, Jon,' Jenny reminded her husband, giving him an exasperated look as she added, 'Where's Jack now?'

  'Upstairs in his room. How's Maddy?'

  'There's no change,' Jenny admitted.

  Jon walked over to her and put his arm round her, turning her to face him.

  'You look worn-out,' he told her gently. 'Come and sit down. I'll make us both a drink.'

  'No. I can't. I've got to go and talk to Jack—find out what's going on,' she refused Jon firmly. 'You'll need to talk to him, as well,' she insisted. 'You'll have to make him see how important it is that he goes back to university, Jon.'

  'Jenny, it's nearly ten o'clock, I haven't seen you in days.... Jack isn't going anywhere. Surely he can wait until tomorrow...' He was about to tell her how much he was missing her but Jenny was already pulling away from him saying disapprovingly, 'You're beginning to sound as irresponsible as David always was.'

  As she hurried towards the kitchen door her eyes were blurring with tears. She hated this disunity that had sprung up between them but she seemed power-less to be able to do anything about it.

  OUTSIDE JACK'S bedroom, Jenny paused before knocking on the door. When Jack opened it she realised that in the short time he had been away he had grown even taller and broader but the hug he gave her was still that of a boy, no matter how much of a man he might look physically.

  'I'm sorry,' he apologised, his voice muffled as he released her. 'I know I shouldn't have come home but I had to.'

  The anguish in his voice increased Jenny's concern.

  'I know how much Annalise means to you, Jack,'

  she began carefully. She felt both physically and emotionally drained; these last few weeks with David's return and marriage and then Maddy's illness had taken their toll on her and she had to remind herself of just how important his own present feelings would be to Jack and to treat them as seriously as she would have
done were he ten years older.

  'She means everything to me,' Jack responded gruffly. 'I love her Aunt Jenny and she loves me...I know that....'

  Jenny closed her eyes. She could hear the desperation in his voice but for once her intuition did not tell her the cause of it and she misinterpreted the anguish she could hear as being caused by his fear of losing Annalise and not his fear for her.

  It was the kind of mistake anyone could make...the kind of mistake that Fate delights in as she tauntingly throws down a life-changing card.

  Jack ached to be able to confide fully in his aunt, but he had given his word to Annalise. The determination and the strength he had shown Annalise herself earlier had now been replaced by a natural feeling of fear. He badly needed the comfort and reassurance that spilling his anxiety and guilt out to Jenny would have given him but he was not going to break his word to Annalise.

  At the back of his mind he knew that a part of him was hoping that somehow Jenny would guess what had happened and that she would tell him so and tell him, too, that he was not to worry and that everything would be all right, but instead Jenny told him tiredly,

  'No matter how much you love Annalise, Jack, you cannot simply leave your studies and come home to see her, no matter what has happened between you....

  Have you seen her yet?'

  'This afternoon,' Jack acknowledged. Aunt Jenny had every reason to be angry with him—he knew that.

  Manfully he tried to respond to her questions. 'I wasn't making it up when I said that there was a gap in my lecture schedule,' he insisted truthfully. 'I do have a window of a few days.'

  Jenny looked at him and saw in his eyes that he was telling the truth. If it wasn't for Maddy's problems she would be planning to bundle Jack into her car in the morning and drive him right back to university but she simply didn't have the time to make that length of journey.

  'I promise you that I'll go back just as soon as I need to,' Jack was telling her earnestly. 'I just must have a few days with Annalise to...to sort things out....'

  Jenny could feel her exasperation and her tiredness increasing.

  'Jack, Annalise has to understand that you are a university student,' she told him severely, 'and that means that you have to stay at university.'

  Jack looked away from her. He could see how angry and upset she was and his heart sank. What was she going to say...how was she going to feel when he had to tell her that he and Annalise were going to become parents?